The New Noah
by NoH8-make-a-rainbow
Summary: Noah has gone through so much in his teen life that he's hidden from the spotlight. Can he continue living in circles, or will he allow someone to dig him out of this hole once and for all?
1. College Drop-Off

Noah walked into Nicole, his twin sister's, college dorm room with despair. They had just finished bringing in the last box, and this was now the inevitable time he'd have to say goodbye to his sister and not be here with her.

Being two hours away from his sister didn't seem terrible, but through every single thing Noah had gone through in his nineteen years of life, his sister had always been there for him. Though she was the shy one of the two, she was the one who could be open about feelings and emotions. She was the one who dragged him out of the art room at school when the lights were shutting off and the janitors came to clean, she was the one who would sit with her at the allergy table in elementary school, and she was the one who really understood him. She didn't have any friends, and sometimes Noah thought that might have been his fault, but Nicole insisted she preferred to be alone. Noah and Nicole had always been alone. They had 7 other siblings, they were the youngest. By the time they were 10, the last of them had gone off to college - when Noah learned about the birds and the bees at school, that's when he realized him and Nicole were an accident, why else would his parents have had a baby when all their kids were grown? His parents obviously were extremely fertile, because each kid was a multiple - the oldest was a pair of twins, then the next time they tried they ended up with quints, then they got Nicole and Noah, more twins.

His mom was a writer, and that was the reason he got into drawing, because he always said he'd illustrate one of her books. His father was an accountant. It was the most boring job Noah could have thought of, but his dad loved it, or at least pretended to. His parents died when he was 15. That was _really_ when he realized he was losing touch with himself - he stopped doing art in middle school. He realized everyone in middle school loved putting a gender in activities, and art was considered a girl activity. He also noticed people in middle school were embarrassed by their parents, so he shut them out in order to feel like a "real" middle schooler. He asked them to stop singing their goodnight song, he asked them to start dropping him off at school a block away - he just stopped being affectionate towards them, as he felt like nobody else did this in middle school. He also knew he was gay when he was about 13, as he's a smart kid who can pick up on his own instincts, and when he told his parents and siblings, it was the most intimate he had gotten with them in two years. He only told his immediate family, nobody in his school, which was fine because he only talked to Nicole and the art teacher and he didn't need another reason he was an outcast. In high school, he realized people had calmed down about their parents and realized maybe he could be around them without feeling embarrassed and insecure, but it was too late. He was in too deep, too deep into the lies, too deep in the depression. He was with them before they died. An unstable bike path made them fall head-first. He was part of the accident as well, Nicole was at home, but he was the unfortunate one - he made it out alive.

Once his parents died, the audition notice came out for "Total Drama Island", a reality show where he could win $100,000. He thought he could use the money to build a life for himself and his sister, so he automatically went for it. He turned on a persona, the smart kid who ridiculed those who were beneath him. When he was in final rounds, he told Chris about his parents. He barely told anyone about his parents, though in his small town, everyone knew. They all knew his parents on a personal level, and the Nicole and Noah on a "oh, look how big you've gotten! I remember when you were a baby!" level, but when they sent condolence letters, he brushed them off, which worked because they figured he was busy grieving. Their town had viewing parties for Noah, but he never attended them. He preferred to watch the show alone. They were also okay with that. He told Chris about his parents, how badly he needed to get out of his small town and do this, and he took pity on him. Chris's parents died when he was 19. He immediately signed him up for Total Drama Island. Then he got offered to be Chris's assistant after Total Drama Action. Then he made it into Total Drama World Tour. Then Ridonculous Race. He kept doing it because it gave him something to do, and the chance to win money for himself and his sister, but he wasn't happy. This wasn't who he was. It was too late to get himself to go back to the way he was.

Nicole had short brown hair and a face that reminded everybody of their mother. _Everyone_ made a point to mention that after the accident. Noah hated it. Nicole didn't mind it. She had piercing green eyes and a small, dainty figure that other girls would go crazy for. Her style was a little odd, she wore dresses with long-sleeved shirts underneath, with jeans as pants when pants aren't needed under a dress. She looked over to Noah as he kept on pacing around while deciding where to put her last box, hoping it would mean he didn't have to leave and she'd ask him to stay for dinner before hitting the road. Nicole may have been shy, but she knew when to tell Noah he's freaking out and needs to focus on something else.

"Noah…" She said, being careful. "I think I'm good. You can go back home now. You don't like driving at night." It's true. He hates it. He has to wear his glasses, and he hasn't gotten a new prescription in 2 years. Noah looked at her as if she'd sworn off being his sister, as if dropping her off meant they'd never speak again. He knew she was right, but he didn't want to leave. That would mean now he was truly on his own.

"Are you sure you have everything?"

"Yes."

"Inhaler?" Nicole gave it a second and thought about it - she hadn't had an asthma attack in 10 years, so she didn't think she'd need it. She wasn't going to tell him that, he would have taken the 2 hour ride to go and get it and bring it back.

"Yes. And I have my guitar, my books, my emergency bank card, _I have it all, Noah."_ She put her hands on his shoulders and took a good look at him. "You can go now." Noah allowed himself to look deeply into her eyes and gave her a hug. When the two of them hugged, his body decomposed out of its tense state. She had chosen the single dorm room and didn't have a roommate, which was how she wanted it. She was highly introverted, and when she needed to take a break from socializing and being around people she didn't know, she wanted to come back to a room where she didn't have to look at anyone but the faces of her posters.

"Text me when you get home," she told him.

He let go of her and took one more look at his sister. "I'm just a phone call away." Nicole rolled her eyes, smiling at him. She knew he meant well, but she wished he didn't hide his emotions under worrying for her.

"I'll be fine, Noah." She smiled as she watched him go out the door. She knew she would miss him, but she needed to pretend she'd be okay for him. She didn't need him to be getting worse by worrying about her well-being or if she'd make friends and go to class.

As Noah walked out of her dorm room and walked into his car, he took a deep breath as he began his body beginning to tense up. His sister had taken a gap year, to work and figure out some scholarships - they had money from their parents' inheritance, but she didn't want to use it. She wanted to save it for something important. Even though they should both be in their sophomore year, she was entering as a freshman. Noah should be going to college, too, but he couldn't pick a major. He had gone for a semester at the community college, but then freaked out at all the kids around him who knew exactly what they wanted to do. He wanted to do art, but it gave him too much sadness to paint. He hadn't painted since the accident, not that he had time with all the Total Drama stuff he was working on. He also thought about science or math or English, but didn't know specifically _what_ he wanted to do. Over winter break when he was considering just dropping his spring classes, he had gotten the call about a Total Drama spin-off called The Ridonculous Race. It would be filming in 3 weeks, and was going to be hosted by a new person, Don. He'd be paired up with Owen and together they'd travel all around the world with other teams competing for the grand prize. A few other Total Drama alum would be there, but it was mostly brand-new people they recruited, ranging from teens to adults. He told them he'd do it, even if Owen was sometimes unbearable to be around. He had to be in a certain mood to be with Owen. Owen knew about his parents. One night in Total Drama Island, Owen was making small talk with Noah and Owen gushed about his parents. It drove Noah crazy, so he blurted out that his parents died and made Owen swear that he wouldn't tell. Because of that, Owen was always overly nice to him. He hated it, he wanted to like it, but he knew he was only doing it because he has dead parents, though Owen meant well. He also decided to go on this new reality show because It scared him that he had to pick his major during his second year, and he figured that maybe it would make him know what he wanted to do - it didn't. They didn't even win, but hey, at least he had gotten a free trip around the world that wasn't in a metal flying deathball.

He heard a _ding_ from his phone as he started leaving, and quickly pulled the car out of reverse and into park as he checked his phone.

 _Joshua_

 _Hey, new RR episode tonight! You excited?_

He groaned. It's Sunday, so there's a new Ridonculous Race on tonight. He was pretty sure this was their elimination episode. He didn't want to see it.

 _Noah_

 _yep. it's gonna be great. just dropped nicole off now, gonna leave now. see you in a few hours._

He threw his phone into the passenger seat of his car, blasted his music and put his car out of park. If he could survive three seasons of Total Drama, he could survive leaving his sister behind at college.

* * *

Noah sat down next to his sister-in-law as his brother came over, sitting next to her and putting his arm around her. He had just put his niece and nephew to bed. The show aired after their bedtime, so Joshua let the kids watch the show after school on the DVR. As the commercial break came off, Noah tensed up as they all watched the last scene where Noah and Owen were eliminated.

 _As Noah was stuck underneath the logs, Emma comes looking for him._

" _Noah? Noah?" She says, digging through the logs. Emma had been trying to get with him all episode, it was so obvious, from her sharing their taxi to her focus dropping during the challenge. "If I could find you, I'd totally kiss you." Suddenly, Noah pops up out of nowhere, elated._

" _HERE I AM!" His face is covered in splinters, and his hair is frizzing up. The camera pans over to Owen on the other side, untouched by the logs._

" _Ah, where was that energy a minute ago?" Owen complained, frustrated that he popped up so quickly because of Emma when he couldn't get him to make it to the chill zone in time. Emma quickly ran up to him and hugged his head, the only thing sticking up in the pile of logs._

" _Ow." He groaned._

" _You meet me at the last chill zone after I win, and we'll go on our first date, okay?" Emma said to him. Noah smiled, still focused on her last statement._

" _What about the 'I'd totally kiss you' thing?" He asked, smiling as she cradled her hands around her face. Without blinking or looking back on that, she went ahead and kissed him, her eyes closed and Noah's eyes wide open, surprised she actually did it._

Noah looked over at his brother, who looked really happy for him.

"So, Emma, eh? Is she still your girlfriend?" Joshua asked. He began to lie. Even if it were true, Noah wouldn't have been able to tell him. They were on a strict contract to not say anything about what was filmed. A huge chunk of Ridonculous Race was scripted and tailored for Noah to have been in love with Emma. He feels like his morals weren't in place when agreeing to be part of a scripted reality show, but honestly, what part of being in Total Drama was aligned with his morals? He'd never tell his brother it was scripted, though. He figured it was easier to talk about it and let him be happy he's at least talking to girls that aren't their sister.

"Yeah, we tried to make it work, but it was too hard. We just took the loss and broke up before the show aired." Noah said, looking sad. He had been practicing this. Bethany, his sister-in-law, looked over to him and stroked his shoulder. She had long blonde hair with bulging blue eyes, still wearing her suit from work. She was a social worker, which was ironic because Joshua once locked their 1-year-old baby in a car and went into a store by mistake. Granted, it was a mistake, but the irony is still there and Bethany didn't allow him to go anywhere with the baby for half a year.

"Breakups are hard. Take it from me - Joshua and I broke up three times before we were engaged. But anyway, I'm going to bed. Goodnight, Noah." She looked over at Noah and waved as she left, as it was clear he didn't want to talk about it. Bethany and Joshua were used to his avoidance of talking through events that had happened to him, whether positive or not. They learned that the hard way when they put Nicole and Noah into therapy after the passing of their parents - Nicole was incredibly detailed about what was giving her trauma and PTSD after the death of their parents, while Noah was not. He hadn't been back since he started Total Drama Island, and it concerned their siblings, but once Noah turned 18, they figured they couldn't stop him from not going.

As Noah got up to go to his room, he heard another _ding_ from his phone - he figured it was his sister ready to talk about the new episode, but it was from Cody. He had his number saved, as he did for every member of Total Drama (even Heather), but he didn't really interact with them much other than Owen.

 _Cody_

 _Just saw the episode! Too bad you and Owen didn't win. Super happy for you and Emma! I ship it!_

Noah looked over to the cast photo he had hanging up to the walls. Noah had always had a crush on Cody, but he never acknowledged it. Like everything else, he buried it deep into his mind. Cody wasn't even Noah's type, anyhow, and is Cody even into guys? He had a thing for Sierra for awhile. Who knows. He decided not to avoid it and answer him. He already had a 2-year-long avoidance going on in his email inbox, let's not start that with Cody.

 _Noah_

 _Emma and I aren't together anymore. Thanks, though._

Noah sent the text and immediately saw that Cody had called him. He looked at a photo that Noah had of Cody, one from an old episode of World Tour he took off the internet. Noah groaned, he hated phone calls. He had to put _effort_ in his voice. He took a deep breath and pressed answer and put the phone to his ear, trying to sound cheerful.

"Hello?"

"Noah, hey! Sorry about Emma, man, that sucks you couldn't make it." Cody said to him.

"You already said that." Noah said.

"Yeah, I know, just… figured that I'd tell you over the phone, too. Haven't seen you in awhile. How are you?" Noah could hear Cody's video games in the background, and it made sense why he called him instead of texting. Cody loved playing Fortnite, he was even pretty popular, constantly streaming his plays on YouTube when he wasn't busy doing things for Drama Brothers. He had heard they were going on tour soon, but didn't want to get into a full conversation with him. Not now. Not ever.

"I'm fine. Listen, I've had a long day, can I call you back?" Cody paused for a moment, as it sounded like he was getting to a critical point in his game. After the sound calmed down, he answered.

"Yeah, I better go, too. It's getting intense over here." Cody chuckled nervously. "Hopefully I'll see you around?" Noah didn't want to see him. He remembered in Island when Cody accidentally heard his beautiful singing voice. His voice on World Tour was totally fake. He masked his real voice, singing reminded him of his parents. He loved singing with them. When Cody found out about his voice, he made Cody swear not to ever bring it up to him. When they were on World Tour together, Cody asked in private if he'd be singing like he did on Island that one night, and Noah freaked out. He still hasn't forgiven himself for how he let his personal problems get in the way of staying calm at Cody. He had yelled at him.

"Sure. See you soon." Noah hung up the phone and plugged his phone into the charger near his desk, and he plopped onto his bed, not sure how to feel about the day. Instead of wrestling with his emotions or calling Nicole, he went under his covers and closed his eyes, letting today's problems become tomorrow's avoidance.

 **A/N: Thank you SO MUCH for those of you reading the first chapter of this story! This came from a headcanon that I wrote with a fellow Tumblr friend, give-cody-a-kiss. I would share it, but it would spoil important key items of this story. That is what our _entire_ story is based on. I will be writing the majority of the story, while give-cody-a-kiss will be helping with editing, maybe making some fanart for our cover art, and possibly writing a chapter or two. It's very long and I can link it if you really want me to, but it would probably spoil what's to come in this story. **

**Thank you again so much for choosing to read! I have not written an original story in a very long time (besides my SYOC) so I'm pretty excited to take this on. If you're from my other stories, welcome back, and if you're a new reader, nice to meet you! Please send me a review and PM me with ANY questions or critiques, absolutely any - even if you didn't like an adjective I used. I love hearing opinions on how I can fix something, or how I can better frame something. My PMs are also always open if you just want to chat as well.**

 **~Sami**


	2. Nightmare

_Noah was not an outdoors person. He hated the heat, the cold, and everything that came with being outside. The wind, the leaves, the pollen in the spring. Bad news for him, Canada had both. His parents had asked him to go biking with him, because he'd been spending too much time working on his studying. He needed to keep his straight A average if he wanted to get into a good art school that also had a great academic life. His parents had worried about him being in his room all day and all night, and he knew they felt that. He decided to go, just to appease them, but he wasn't having a great time. He was way behind his parents, and there was a point where he couldn't see them anymore, but they stopped and slowed down for him._

" _You were really far behind us, weren't you?" His mother called out as they took a water break. Noah laughed nervously and nodded. They were in a mountainous part of the park now, and for Noah, not having much upper body strength, it was hard going uphill. Noah's mother had brown hair with a hunting of gray, and a gorgeous figure that'd make you take a second to reel it all in when she told you she's had 8 kids, all multiples. She was wrinkling a bit near her cheekbones and wore her hair in a messy ponytail. His parents took their water bottles and put it back on the bike as their parents accelerated higher and higher up the mountain._

 _Noah felt something funny on the ground. It had started shaking, but maybe, he thought, it was because they were getting higher up and he was out of shape. But then he felt the mountain start to crackle, and then immediately realized what was happening - it was an earthquake. His parents were way ahead of him, and it would be dangerous to run up to them when he was safer staying put, but he wanted to be with them, to make sure they would be okay. He quickly got off the bike, falling off in the process, and crouched on the floor, trying not to fall even further. He heard a scream come over from a few feet away, and he suddenly saw his parents spiraling down, holding down to the edge and screaming as they fell. They were trying to get to him._

" _Mom!" Noah screamed as he saw them. He tried to get up, but he couldn't, his ankle hurt too bad. He looked over to it and could see it bleeding from cutting it, and he had it twisted. He was on the ground sitting flat on his stomach and his face had gotten some scratches from falling on the ground. He reached over to his phone in his back pocket and called 911, and they answered within a few rings._

" _There's nothing you can do, Noah." The operator said eerily. His heart started to pound. "You killed them, Noah." His parents suddenly were right near him, their faces covered in blood and weak in the body._

" _This is your fault, Noah." His father said, his eyes dead set on him, blood falling out of his mouth. Noah was started to get panicky, his heart beating abnormally fast. He still couldn't get up from the floor. "Maybe if you hadn't shut us out—"_

Noah jumped out of his bed, sweating and panting. He looked over at his clock: 3:31 am. _It was just a dream,_ he thought.

He looked down at his bed as he sat up and ran his fingers through his hair while catching his breath. He couldn't believe that it's been four years since they died. He still remembers that day so clearly.

 _The earthquake killed your parents, not you._ Then why didn't he die with them? That's what the therapist said when Joshua put him and Nicole into therapy a few months after. Nicole did better in therapy than Noah did; they at first did therapy together because Joshua knew they would talk more if they were with each other, but when Nicole was progressing better than Noah, he went from going once a week with Nicole to going once with her and once alone. Nicole and Noah had done nothing but exist, and even that was hard to maintain, as they barely slept, barely ate, barely took care of themselves because they were too sad. Noah took it the hardest, but Nicole hadn't been there on the day of the accident and she hated that. She hated that Noah was there and she wasn't, even though he got hurt, too. On really bad days, part of him wished he could have died with them.

Noah tried going back to sleep, but it was no use - he was awake, might as well stay awake.

* * *

As Noah pulled up to the driveway of the local library, he felt a pit in his stomach. He still wasn't fully recovered from that nightmare, it felt too real, and now his memory of the accident was going to be plagued with his near-death father telling him he caused this accident, that the universe somehow made this happen as revenge. He pulled the key out of the ignition and walked into the doors, waving over at the librarian as he went to the back, wiping his eyes. At that moment, he wasn't sure what he regretted more - not trying to go back to sleep, or not stopping for coffee.

"Good morning, Noah." She said to him. Mildred became a volunteer for the library when she realized retiring and waiting to die was getting boring. She had long hair that she dyes a different color every time a color fades. She explained to Noah that life is too short to not try all the colors. Right now it was pink, and she says next she'll do blue.

"Hi, Mildred." She smiled over at him as she went back to her work, and he put his coat on the coat hanger before heading over to the youth section. Noah worked all over the library, but he liked working in the youth section during school hours because nobody was ever here to make a mess. If someone did make a mess, the moms were so nice that they would stop them and tell him she'll do it. He also enjoyed children, but he wouldn't let anyone know that.

Noah remembered coming to this library when he was young. His mom was just starting to get big with her children's books, and she would come and read them during circle time. They'd get a sneak peek before it was to be published. Of course, the library got copies to be checked out, and the book had a hold line for _weeks._ The kids at the circle time had no idea the woman reading this book was the author, but they still loved it anyway. Noah and Nicole had read the books she wrote a million times over and over before the final copy was complete, so they sat in another part of the room while she read.

As Noah was re-organizing some books that someone left on the floor, he looked up and saw someone waiting for him. It was a girl, around his age, who looked excited to be watching him pick up books.

"Are you Noah? I'm sorry, I don't mean to disturb you," the girl said. She was holding a handcart full of DVDs and books, and she had red hair, white skin, and green eyes. She looked about his age, maybe just a year younger.

"Yes." He said softly, shelving books as she followed him. He expected her to just ask a question about where a book was.

"I just wanted to say I really enjoyed watching you on Total Drama." She said to him, smiling. "And I think you and Emma would have made a really cute couple. I totally shipped you guys!" Noah silently nodded, rolling his eyes in his head, but she didn't deserve for him to be upset at her when she doesn't know the truth.

"Thanks. I wish it could have worked out." He lied.

"Anyway, I don't want to disturb you from your work, so I'm going to go. But, thanks for taking the time to chat with me!" Noah smiled as she shook his hand, and they both went the opposite direction. As soon as he felt her farther away, he leaned onto the bookshelf, sighing as he took a break for a few seconds. He allowed himself to sit there, and then he got back up, ready to work again.

* * *

As he drove home, he decided to call Nicole, as he hadn't talked to her in a few days. It's been two weeks since he dropped her off at school, and he missed her. He dialed her on the Bluetooth so he didn't have to hold the phone to his cheek, and after a few rings, she answered.

"Hello?" She sounded tired.

"Hey, hadn't heard from you in a few days, figured I'd call."

"Oh, yeah. What's up?" Something sounded off with her. He took a pause as he started to ask her what's wrong.

"Are you okay?" She paused.

"Honestly, I had a nightmare last night and-"

"Barely slept." They both said it at the same time. She paused as she processed what just happened here.

"Was it about the accident?" He asked cautiously.

"Yeah, actually. What happened in yours?"

"I called 911 and the operator told me I killed them, then dad looked at me and said that I killed them because I shut them out too much."

"In mine, you died with them." Noah took a pause and focused on the road. "Noah?"

"Oh, sorry, I'm driving. That's… oh." Noah really thought about what she said - in his dream, he heard his father blame him for their accident. In her dream, she was perfectly over the fact that they died and she couldn't prevent it, but the one thing she feared most was losing Noah. Nothing has changed.

"Yeah." There was some silence for another few seconds. "You know, their forty-year wedding anniversary is coming up. Maybe we can celebrate with our brothers, get everyone together. Do something in their honor, you know?" Noah couldn't handle talking about them anymore. It made him too sad, and he was already having a shitty day as it was.

"Oh, I'm home, I gotta go." It was partially true, he had gotten to the circle of their neighborhood. Nicole knew he was avoiding the subject. She was disappointed he couldn't express his feelings like she could, but she probably would have been as messed up as him if she were there, too. Or maybe Noah is just broken inside beyond repair.

"Noah, you can't just push back your feelings."

"It's been working for four years." Noah mumbled. He didn't mean to say that out loud, but they both knew it was true. He wondered if Nicole could hear him, and if she did, she did a good job of ignoring it. They both paused.

"There's going to be a point where-" As Nicole went on, Noah parked in front of his driveway and turned the car off, hanging up the phone in the process and throwing it on the next seat. He felt his breath start to go away, and he leaned his forehead on the steering wheel as he clenched his fists, trying to control his breathing and suppress the tears that were coming. Noah had gotten uncomfortably good at preventing anxiety attacks, but because of that, he did break down every now and then. After a few minutes of this, he started to feel well enough to go inside. Joshua and Bethany had seen him in this state, but he vowed to never let the kids see him like this. The kids knew about Noah's parents dying, but when it happened they were so young that they barely have any recollection of them. Noah thought that it was easy for them to mourn. They wouldn't remember them. He sometimes wishes he could forget them, too. Maybe his pain wouldn't be so unbearable. He could be _normal_ for once.

He sat up and grabbed his phone and lunch bag from the front seat and fumbled with his keys to unlock the front door as he walked out of the car, and saw Spencer and Hannah in the living room working on their homework. They saw he was here and immediately looked up, looking over to the babysitter in the other room. He forgot that Joshua and Bethany were coming home late tonight.

"Candice! Noah's here!" Hannah said out loud. His niece, Hannah, is about 6 years old. She had long blonde hair that was just like Bethany's, and green eyes like Joshua with a round face. She loved dressing in pastels and wore dresses with long sleeves underneath as Nicole did.

Candice came out of the kitchen wearing Bethany's apron, she was just finishing up their dinner. She had hazelnut skin and her black hair was in a ponytail. She had brown eyes and freckles around her nose, which the kids loved. They thought it made her unique. Her body was an hourglass figure and she was wearing blue jeans with a pink shirt that had a pocket on the top right of the shirt.

Candice started babysitting them about a year ago. Bethany had found her on a babysitting website. She had two other jobs, all while being in college full-time. She usually went straight to another job right after she babysat Spencer and Hannah.

"Hey, Noah. I have mac and cheese on the stove, it's almost ready." She walked up to him and handed him Bethany's apron, pink and white with ribbons. Hannah had made it for her for Mother's Day two years ago. Noah was relieved she was making them something he could actually finish making; Candice was in culinary school and loved testing out new foods on them, and sometimes he'd come home right when she had to leave and he'd burn her creations. "You look tired. What time did you go to bed?"

"About 10 I think." He wasn't wrong, but he also didn't mention he woke up at 3:30 am.

"Must have been a hard shift at the library today. Spencer is still working on his math, don't let him fool you into thinking he's done. I gotta go, one more late shift and I'm put on probation. Good seeing you, Noah." She smiled over to him as she grabbed her coat and keys. Candice

"Thanks, Candice." She waved to him as she left the house and drove away. Noah walked into the kitchen to drain the mac and cheese, and started stirring the cheese into it and put it into three bowls for them, grabbing juice for the kids in the process as he put it on the table.

"Hannah, Spencer, dinner!" The two kids came racing towards Noah, sitting down and ready to eat their food. Spencer sat to the right of Noah. Spencer is 8 and looks just like Joshua, bulging green eyes with brown hair that reached underneath his ears and swept to the right side of his face. He was a late bloomer and hadn't started losing any of his teeth yet, and he dressed in a lot of blue and red like Noah did. He was going through a phase, Joshua would tell him when Noah asked why he was dressed like him. Hannah and Spencer were really young when Nicole and Noah came to live with them, but they used to babysit them all the time when Bethany and Joshua were dealing with the legalities of becoming Nicole and Noah's guardians. They took a bite and looked over to Noah, making a face.

"This isn't how Candice makes the cheese." Hannah said. Usually, she wouldn't use the cheese the boxed Mac and cheese would recommend, she would make her own cheese, but Noah was not talented enough to do that.

"Yeah, well, I'm no Candice when it comes to being in the kitchen." Noah shrugged. The kids ignored it and they all started eating their food. "So, how was Candice today?" He needed to think about something other than his conversation with Nicole.

"She was so much fun. She let us watch your show!" Hannah exclaimed. _Great,_ Noah thought.

"Are you going on another show, uncle Noah?" Spencer asked. The truth is, they missed him when he left to film shows, but they loved seeing him on their TV screen. It was especially fun for them to see Noah on the screen and Noah next to them simultaneously, because they can ask him what happened in that scene as if it's not going on in front of them.

"Can I meet that pretty girl who kissed you?" Hannah asked.

"Are you going to marry her?" Spencer asked. Noah started to get frustrated, but he took a breath. He didn't want to get angry with them. It wasn't their fault.

"Emma and I aren't together anymore… we broke up."

"Broke up?" Hannah asked.

"Yeah… it means we aren't boyfriend and girlfriend anymore. I couldn't tell you because I had to keep it a secret from everyone until the show started."

"Even from us, Uncle Noah?" Hannah asked, her lip pouting. Noah stroked her hair.

"Yep, I'm sorry." The kids looked down at their food, and as they took another bite, their parents walked in and they came running towards them.

"Mommy! Did you know Uncle Noah isn't with his girlfriend anymore? They broke up!" Hannah said as she hugged her knees, Bethany putting her grocery bag on the floor.

"Yes, Hannah, I know, sweetie. Sometimes things just don't work out, you know?" She said to her. Hannah let go of her knees and let her come into the kitchen, where they all met up. Noah was still at the table finishing his dinner.

"How long have you been home?" Joshua asked while putting his bag and coat down.

"Just a few minutes." He said, covering his mouth as he chewed his food.

"Okay." Joshua looked over at Noah. "Hey, you know what I saw on my way home? There's an art contest going on for young adults 18 to 24. You should think about entering." Noah glanced over at Joshua, then back down at his food. Noah knew Joshua had meant well, but Noah hasn't drawn or painted since his parents died. Every time he tried, he got too sad and ended up destroying whatever he started. Joshua just hated seeing him throw away his love of art, he didn't understand. Instead of getting into an argument, he decided to go along with it.

"Maybe. I'm pretty busy at the library." Joshua frowned, but didn't let Noah see. Too late, Noah saw it.

"Well, I'll text you the info if I find it." Noah nodded as he took another bite of his food, and then Joshua walked away. Noah went to put his bowl in the sink and walked away to his room, seeing a text from Nicole in the process.

 _Nicole_

 _Did the connection go out?_

Noah looked down at the text and started typing.

 _Noah_

 _Sorry, got home and had to take over for Candice._

He waited a few more minutes for Nicole to respond as he changed out of his work clothes.

 _Nicole_

 _Ah. Well. Gotta go. Why did I choose a class that starts at 6pm?_

He put his phone on the charger as he closed the door and looked around at his room. It felt empty without Nicole here. Around his room, he had photos of him and his family. He took down the photos of his parents year ago. It made him feel like their ghosts were latching onto the portraits watching him like in Harry Potter.

He was exhausted, even though it was 6pm. He figured it was best to go to sleep, so he turned off the light, got underneath the covers and closed his eyes. Tomorrow was another day. Another day to dread.

 **A/N: Thanks sooo much for the love the first chapter! We really appreciate it! Don't forget to review, and for all of our new viewers - welcome!**

 **If you came here from the latest TDArts chapter, don't forget about our secret codeword in the reviews. ;)**

 **~Sami**


	3. Horseshoe

Today had been a good day for Noah - the library wasn't too crowded, he got up with enough time to shower and take the kids to school as he did on Wednesdays, and he was just generally content with the day. As he was driving home, he got a phone call.

"Hello?" He said, answering it by bluetooth. He didn't look at the caller ID, but after realizing who it was, he wished he did so he could ignore it.

"Noah, my little buddy!" It was Owen. Noah let out a silent sigh. He hadn't heard from him since the show premiered, and that was intentional. Noah didn't want to allow Owen to ruin his good mood, so he told himself he'd just let Owen talk and he wouldn't say anything that would make him stray from the subject at hand.

"Hey, Owen. What's up?"

"I'm coming to get you at 10. Is your address still the same?" Noah was confused. He took a breath and began to question him.

"For what?"

"The afterparty for the finale, silly!" As Noah took a sharp turn, his eyes widened, forgetting that was tonight, as he had honestly thought the show had ended already. He stopped watching after he was eliminated, and even then he didn't really want to watch, he just watched with his niece and nephew and brother.

"Oh, right!" He said, agreeing with him. He took a pause as he realized what this all meant - confronting fans, seeing Emma, not being comfortable with himself or his sexuality. "Do I have to go?"

"Oh come on, Noah, it'll be fun! We get to see Kitty and Emma again." Owen was in on the scripted-ness that was Emma and Noah's "showmance", but he didn't know Noah was gay. Nobody did, really, except for his sister. He didn't think he could _ever_ come out to Owen, let alone the Total Drama community. Seeing Emma again would be nice, but he doesn't want to be surrounded by fans who want them to be together. He thought, maybe he could fake being sick and get out of the watch party, but he was better than that, or so he tried to be. Noah let out a moaned sigh.

"Okay, fine, I'll go." Noah heard Owen squeal, and then drove into his culdesac. "I'm just getting home, I'll see you at 10."

"See ya, buddy!" Noah hung up the phone as he drove into his driveway, then lowered his head onto the steering wheel, letting himself groan for a moment. After a minute or so of this, he slowly picked up his head, grabbed his stuff and walked into the door to see Candice watching TV with the kids, the dog running up to him as he walked in. Coincidentally, there was an ad on for the finale of Ridonculous Race as he walked in. Spencer noticed Noah out of the corner of his eye and pointed to the TV.

"Look, it's your show!" Spencer said as if Noah couldn't hear it or see it.

"Who wins, Uncle Noah?" Hannah asked, her hair whipping back as she looked over at Noah from across the room. He put his stuff down and took his shoes off and stepped onto the carpeted area where the couch and TV were, sitting next to Candice and the kids.

"I can't tell you." Noah said, shrugging as if he didn't know.

"Like you couldn't tell us when you broke up with the pretty lady?" Hannah asked. Noah looked blankly at her, but she didn't notice.

"Exactly." As soon as he said that, the kids' show came back on, and their attention went right back into the show.

Noah looked over at Candice as she began to speak. "So, are you going to that fancy after party going on at Horseshoe?"

"Unfortunately, yes." Noah said, staring blankly at her. Candice could tell he wasn't in the mood to go tonight, or at all.

"I figured you would. I saw Emma would be there. I follow her on Instagram. You should really get on social media. I'm sure you have fans that would love to see you bring out content."

"My life really isn't all that interesting. What would I post about, the library?" Candice shrugged as she got up, still facing towards him as he talked, and grabbed her bag.

"I'm sure you could think of something to post. Maybe when Nicole gets home she can help you. Fall break is next week for her, right?"

"Yep."

"Well, I gotta go. I'm glad you got here early, I heard traffic is killer today." Candice started walking towards the door, and waved to Spencer and Hannah, who waved back without missing a beat of their show. "Oh, and Noah?" She said, turning her head around and pointing to him.

"Yes?"

"Try to have fun tonight, it won't kill you to." Noah chuckled.

"Bye, Candice." Candice grabbed her keys from the table, walked out the door and closed it. Noah sighed as he scooted closer to the kids, who were watching Teen Titans Go.

"How was school today? Learn anything new?" Noah asked, wanting to think of anything but the watch party.

"Liam said the F word in class today." Noah looked over at Hannah as she said that, nodding his head. Liam was Hannah's classroom bad boy.

"Great." Noah said with a straight face. "I'm glad that's what you're learning." As he sat and watched the show with the kids, Noah's brother and sister-in-law walked into the door, the kids and dog rushing to say hi to them. _They really love them,_ he thought.

"Hey, Noah. Going to the afterparty tonight?" His brother asked. He was so tired of people asking. The more people asked, the less he wanted to go.

"Unfortunately so."

"This'll be fun for you! You get to see all your friends. Maybe you and Emma-" Noah looked panicked and raised his voice, not knowing how to control his emotions after hearing her name.

"What, maybe we'll get back together? No, Joshua. I don't want to see Emma, we didn't work, we're done! Stop trying to push her onto me." Noah took a breath and looked over at Joshua, who looked upset. Noah couldn't believe he did that. He didn't even mean what he said. He started to wiggle his fingers and fidget them between each other, trying not to show that he was shaking with regret.

"I know you're still going through a lot, Noah, but…" Joshua walked over to him, hushed tone and holding onto his shoulder as the kids were now looking at him, being pushed away by Bethany as to not scare them. "you're still not the same since they've died. I mean look at Nicole, she's doing just fi-"

"Why do I always get compared to Nicole? It's Nicole this, Nicole that. I'm fine." His voice was considerably louder than Joshua's. Noah was not fine, Joshua knew it too. There was a lot more he wanted to say, but he decided not to.

"Look, I'm sorry. I won't bring Emma up anymore. But this is obviously stemming from something bigger in you." Joshua let go of his shoulder, Noah's shoulder relaxing as his touch left him.

"Won't you go back to therapy, Noah? Please? You know, I miss them too, but it's been four years." Noah looked down for a moment, waiting to respond to him, or just waiting until Joshua would give up, whatever came first. It felt like eternity sitting there waiting.

"I'm just gonna go into my room." Joshua was giving up on talking about it, just like he always did. He knew that nothing good would come out of continuing this conversation. "Please think about it. You know Bethany and I would pay." Noah looked down as Joshua started heading to his room.

"Joshua?" Joshua turned around before going into his room, his hand on the door handle. Noah's head was down but he knew Joshua was listening. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Noah. I just really want to help you, but I can't help you if you can't help yourself." Noah breathed a heavy sigh through his nose. He was right. He felt Joshua go into his room, and he walked into his room, wiping away a few lone tears that came down. Suddenly, he felt his phone buzz, and he looked down at the text.

Owen

 _On my way, see you soon!_

Noah quickly threw himself onto the bed, then set an alarm for 9:45pm and fell asleep, hoping it would make him forget the stupid things he said and did.

 **A/N: So sorry for not being around lately! It's been crazy! To make it up to you, I'm splitting this chapter into two parts, and will release them both in the same week! Double chapters!**

 **Don't forget to review and follow! See you soon!**

 **~Sami**


	4. Finale Party

Noah decided to wait outside for Owen, as he didn't want to be near the kids right now. They had never seen him raise his voice or get that bad before, and he was sure that they were afraid of what could come next. He hopes that they'd forget about it, or that Bethany and Joshua talked to them. Whichever came first.

As he sat on the porch, he looked down at his outfit. He was wearing a sky blue button-up short-sleeved collared shirt that had a pocket on the right side, navy blue ankle jeans, and black converse shoes. He really had to dig at the very bottom of his drawers to find nice clothes like this. His black hair had been slicked back as to not look like he had just been sleeping before coming here. As he looked up, he saw Owen's carlights come up the driveway and walked up to the passenger door, but Owen had already started coming out of his side of the car to hug Noah, grabbing him tightly, with Noah feeling squished under Owen.

"It's been so long, Noah! How you doing, buddy?" It was hard for him to speak coherently, as he felt like he was being squished by a whale. He quickly pinched Owen's arm, indicating he was hurting Noah, and he swiftly let go of him. "Oh, sorry about that. I'm just so excited to see you again! Can you believe we live so close and never get together?" Noah nodded his head.

"Yeah. I can't believe it either." Noah said, trying to sound genuine as the two headed into the car. He looked over to what Owen was wearing and hoped he wasn't overdressed. Owen was wearing his same getup, but instead had a jean jacket over his usual Canada shirt. Owen started to put the car in reverse as he left the culdesac, then they were on their way.

"So, what've you been up to, buddy?" Noah looked over to Owen as he focused on his driving. He hated small talk. That meant he had to lie about what he was doing, as he wasn't going to show Owen how depressed he is.

"Just working a lot and saving up for college. The usual."

"That's great, buddy!" Noah was going to lose his mind if he heard the word "buddy" one more time. "I've been doing lots of social media work for the show, I livestream every episode. I never see you on Instagram or Twitter."

"Yeah, I'm not much of a social media person."

"Maybe one of these days we can get you an account. You've got lots of fans who ask about you." Noah faked a smile.

"Yeah, that'd be cool." Owen nodded and smiled as he looked back over to the road, then Noah let out a small sigh as Owen looked away. He could tell this was going to be a long night.

/page break/

After about 15 minutes of driving, Owen and Noah finally got to the venue for the finale watch party. It was empty to guests, as the doors weren't opening for another few minutes, but when they drove by they saw a line of people anxiously waiting to get in. Some of them had on casual club wear, others were wearing Total Drama Island shirts. He cringed, but Noah promised himself he would be good. As Noah and Owen walked in, he noticed Emma and Kitty walking up to Owen and Noah, and he panicked inside. What would he say to Emma? What shouldn't he say to Emma? The girls gave the two of them a hug, and Noah and Emma took a long look at each other. He doesn't know why it's so awkward for him to just look at her. It's not like their romance was real or that either of them felt anything. Why was he so nervous?

"Noah! So good to see you." Emma said to him. "How are you?"

"Good. Glad to be here. Excited for MacArthur and Sanders." Emma nodded, not knowing what else to say to him, either. She felt alone in the process of being "broken up" to Noah. He didn't go on social media, and everyone blamed her for his silence, saying that he's silent because he's hurt. It felt crummy. She wished that it wasn't scripted and that they could both say it was fake, but imagine the uproar of that.

"Noah, I-" As soon as she began to say something to him, the doors had opened, and everyone came flocking over to the club area to meet everyone and wish Sanders and MacArthur congratulations. The club lights went down, the music started blasting and the bartenders began serving guests. Noah walked away as a fan started coming up to Emma, leaving both Emma and the fan confused, but not surprised. As he walked away, Owen came up to him with a fan.

"Noah, you free for a photo?" The fan was a girl around their age, wearing blue glasses, a green flowered cami dress and looked excited to see them. Noah nodded as she tried to keep her cool around them both.

"I've been fans of you guys since Island. I'm so glad they brought you onto Ridonculous Race. Do you think they'll make a second season?" She asked them, smiling.

"Hopefully we'll know soon, right Noah?" Owen smiled as he bumped him with his elbow.

"Yeah, I'd love to go back." Noah said as Owen readied his phone. He took a selfie, and then the two of them hugged the girl, speechless as she jumped in her place.

"Thank you!" She left them, looking bug-eyed and bright as she walked away.

"Isn't it great to meet the fans, Noah?" Owen asked him.

"Yeah. I can't believe people like me."

"Are you kidding? People _love_ you." Noah smiled as he thought about people out there who consider themselves fans of him, but frowned remembering that that isn't really him they like. They like his persona. They didn't know the real him and never would. Nobody would. That person died when his parents did.

* * *

It was about 1AM once people started clearing out. The bartenders were counting their tips, the bouncers were sweeping the area and the taxis started lining up outside. MacArthur and Sanders got the bulk of the fans, as expected since they had won, but Noah and Owen got their share of people coming over and giving their best wishes. It seemed like Emma and Kitty had been on the other side of the club for the majority of the event, and Noah wondered if that was on purpose. Owen looked over to Noah as they continued to leave, saying goodbye to the other cast mates.

"Wait, we didn't say goodbye to Emma and Kitty!" He froze. Noah was hoping he'd forget.

"I haven't been able to find the-" As he said that, Emma and Kitty came up behind them, looking for them.

"See, here they are!" Owen said. He looked over to Emma and Kitty, hugging them. "Good seeing you again."

"Yeah, us too! We really had a good time. Emma was glad to get her nose out of those books Right?" Kitty looked over to Emma, bumping her.

"Oh, yeah. It was a good time. It was good seeing you again, sorry we couldn't be with you two more. But you know how it goes." Emma hugged Noah goodbye as Kitty hugged Owen goodbye, then Owen hugged Emma as Noah hugged Kitty goodbye. The two of them waved as they started walking out, then Owen looked over at Noah as they watched them go.

"Well, should we go, buddy?" Noah nodded as the two of them were about to exit the building, hoping this would be the last of Total Drama he'd ever have to see, but before they could go, Emma spoke up.

"Wait!" She yelled behind them. Noah turned around. "Can I talk to you, Noah? Privately?" Owen looked over at Noah, giving him the "go ahead" signal.

"I'll go get the car from the valet." Owen said, Kitty walking away with him as the two found a quiet place to talk and sit down. Emma took a breath as she was about to say what's on her mind.

"I felt so alone when I was the only one to issue a statement. I know it wasn't a real relationship, but we had to treat it like it was, and you being silent just made people blame me for everything." Noah looked over at her as she handed him her phone. It was full of hate comments to her about how she doesn't deserve someone like Noah, how she doesn't deserve love, and there were even some death threat comments. He didn't realize how him not speaking up about his side made everyone start to hate Emma.

"Emma… I had no idea."

"Yeah, I know you didn't. Because you weren't there." Noah looked down, ashamed, and masking his tears.

"I didn't call you over to make you feel bad. I wanted to tell you… I'm... I'm gay." Noah looked up at her, surprised to hear this. This almost makes him want to come out to her, but he lets her talk. "It's something I've been exploring since I was 15, and now, I've been seeing someone. A girl. We really like each other, we have almost all the same classes this semester, and I want to be public about it in the next few weeks while I sort this all out. Can I count on you to have my back?" Noah gulped. Social media terrified him, but he felt so bad that Emma had to get all that hate.

"Yes. You can count on me." Emma smiled as she got up and started walking out of the door. Noah was about to say something, but he stopped himself, and then got the courage back to say.

"Gay." Emma turned around and looked at him, confused and insulted.

"What did you just say?" Noah couldn't spit anything out, he felt permanently frozen.

"I'm." She was still confused, but walked closer to him.

"Yeah?" Noah took a deep breath before speaking again.

"I'm gay, too. I've been gay for a long time. I've only told a few people. I'm not ready to talk more about it, but I-" Emma stopped him and gave him a hug. This was the first time in a long time he allowed himself to be vulnerable, so he started to cry, hugging her back. It was always so hard for him to be vulnerable ever since everything had happened, but with Emma in that moment, it was so easy. Emma let go of him, pulling a tissue out of her purse, and Noah wiped his eyes with it so it didn't look like he was crying. As soon as he threw out the tissue, they both walked over to Kitty and Owen, who were both in Owen's car.

"Is it all right if Owen gives us a ride?" Kitty said, opening the door for her. Emma nodded and smiled as she got into the car, Noah going in the front and Emma sitting in the back, and Owen began to drive away.

* * *

As Noah walked back into the house, he noticed how quiet it was. He never went out anymore - never this late anyway - and it felt weird seeing the house like this, without the kids or Bethany or Joshua being around.

He walked into his room, taking off his shoes and clothes and hanging them up in the closet as he changed into a shirt and pajama bottoms, then sat down in his bed, thinking about what Owen said about him having fans. He couldn't even believe he had fans, as he didn't even think highly enough of himself. He thought about all the girls who came up to him and said they had been following him since the beginning and wished he had been more open online. He got his phone and began to scroll through the internet, looking for a forum on Total Drama. He looked at some of the comments.

 _Totaldrama96_

 _Omg! Amazing finale tonight! Still wish Noah and Owen had gotten farther. Love them. They balance each other out._

 _CindyL97_

 _Noah is cool and i've liked him since the first season but... sarcasm isn't a personality trait._

 _Owenandnoah4ever_

 _Fuck emma, noah and owen should be together. I would die for Nowen. They're so cute!_

Noah scrunched his eyebrows, confused. There were people that actually shipped him and Owen? Does that mean there are people who ship him with him and Cody? He looked to the reply.

 _NocoCoconut_

 _No way, NoCo forever. They need to reunite!_

Noah scrolled away from this forum and went back to google to find a Reddit thread on the series.

 _Tdtwerkstarz_

 _Why would Emma throw away the game for some dick? And they didn't even stay together by the end of it. Typical man. Couldn't keep up._

His heart started to race. Is this what Emma had been going through? He scrolled down to the replies.

 _Good for Emma. Go get that degree and be a lawyer. What's Noah doing anyway, hiding?_

 _noah has no personality, no character. dk what people see in him. he's just another nerdy guy who's rude to people because they think they're ~"edgy"~_

Noah continued scrolling, but only skimmed keywords. People hated him. He threw his phone to the other side of the room, panicking. This was why he didn't go on social media. As he started to freak out, running his hands through his hair, he heard his phone vibrate and got up to see who it was. He sighed, as it was just Nicole.

"Hello?" He asked slowly.

"Noah?"

"...That's me."

"Did I wake you up?"

"Yeah. Busy night at that party." Noah lied.

"Oh yeah, I forgot you were going to that. Well, I'll talk to you tomorrow then." Noah nodded, his hand fidgeting as he talked to her.

"Goodnight. See you soon."

"Yep!" She hung up the phone, and Noah sighed loudly. Too much fibbing in one night. As he put his phone to charge and went back to his bed, he felt his eyelids begin to droop as he drifted to sleep.

 **A/N: HELLO! Thank you so much for sticking around with me as I took a very long, unannounced and unintentional hiatus. It's been way too long and I apologize. I have two chapters ready for you while I work on my other fanfiction, Total Drama Arts. I'm trying to make a consistent schedule so I can get both stories having a chapter out a week, I have a lot more freetime this school semester so hopefully it can happen.**

 **Anyway, I hope everyone is having a good week! Thank you for your support if you've been reading since the beginning, and for those who are new, thank you so much for choosing to read this story! This is a collaboration with give-cody-a-kiss on Tumblr and was originally meant to be just a silly headcanon Tumblr post that we made together, and here we are making a whole-ass story for it! As always, please remember to review, even if it's to give me a reality check. I accept any and all critique and I'm always willing to learn from my mistakes.**

 **~Sami**


	5. The Drama Brothers

As Noah waited outside the lobby of Nicole's dorm hall, he could see her out of the corner of his eye and went over to her. She had just a small duffel bag with her and was wearing jeans and a long-sleeve shirt while holding a poofy blue jacket in her hand. Nicole was so relieved to be going home for fall break, and Noah was really happy to see her, but he tried to act nonchalant.

"You're still alive," Nicole said teasingly, smiling. She was worried he would get worse without her, and she wasn't wrong, but at that moment, Noah looked pretty calm, mostly because Nicole was there.

"Yeah." He said, breathing a sigh. "Somehow I made it." She put her duffel down on the ground as Noah started digging into his pockets. "So I've got a surprise. Tonight," He took out what was in his pockets, and revealed two ticket stubs. "We're going out." She took a look at the tickets. They read, _Drama Brothers Comeback Tour, November 7, 2015 - General Admission_

She looked over to him and smiled, gasping. She would deny it if anyone other than her brothers asked, but she loved the Drama Brothers, although never in a million years did she ever think that Noah would take her to a concert since that meant having to _see_ his castmates.

"Did you get these tickets from them?" She asked. He knew who she was talking about - if he had asked Drama Brothers for free tickets. He probably could have, Cody had even told him they had this stop and could put him on the list, but he ignored that text just like he did all the others.

"I mean I could have, but I just wanted to support their music." Noah scrunched his face, it was hard to lie to his sister and she knew he was lying at this moment. Nicole gave him a look but decided to ignore it and not press it for now, as they had to get home and unpack before the concert. Noah grabbed her duffel bag from the floor as they both put their coats on, and headed outside to the car for the two-hour drive.

* * *

As Nicole got home, she heard Van Doggo run to see her. She went down on her knees to the floor as Van Doggo licked her face, excited to see her.

"See? I told you he wouldn't forget me." She said as she scruffed his fur.

Van Doggo, or Van for short, was named after Noah's favorite painter as a kid, Vincent Van Gogh. Van Doggo was 9 years old, but he still had the energy of a puppy. Van Doggo was the only thing he had left of his parents, so he took meticulous care of him. When they died, Van Doggo spent weeks figuring out when they would come home, and it broke Noah more than ever when Van Doggo stopped looking for them, realizing they were never coming back.

As Nicole got up from petting Van, she saw her niece and nephew running out of their rooms to say hi, their hugs nearly tackling her to the ground as they screamed her name and held onto her legs.

"It's so good to see you guys!" She said, smiling as she kneeled down to their level.

"Look, Aunt Nicole, I lost another tooth!" Hannah said, smiling and showing off the gaping hole where her two front teeth used to be. Nicole smiled and pretended like she wasn't grossed out. She wasn't much of a children person, as kids invaded personal space without realizing it, but she had a soft spot for Hannah and Spencer. They were her niece and nephew, after all. As Nicole was about to say something, Spencer stepped in front of Hannah and raised his hands in the air.

"Aunt Nicole! I have to show you what I did with my room-" As he pulled on her arms and the two talked over each other, fighting for who gets the first one-on-one time with their aunt Nicole, Joshua and Bethany walked in from their bedroom, looking down at Spencer as the two of them exhausting Nicole. They couldn't tell, but it was visible to Bethany and Joshua.

"Spencer, don't you think Nicole wants to settle in first?" Bethany said, stroking Spencer's hair. Spencer looked up to Bethany and pouted, crossing his arms, knowing she was right. The kids walked away from Nicole and walked closer to their parents. Nicole let out a silent sigh of relief.

"So Noah, did you tell her?" Joshua asked him. He was being discreet about the concert, as the club was 18+ and he didn't want Spencer and Hannah to get upset they're not going.

"Yep." Noah looked down at his watch, then over at Nicole. "We should probably leave in about an hour if we want good parking". Spencer looked over to Joshua.

"Where are they going, dad?" He asked him.

"They have to… pay some bills." He said, nuzzling his hair as he looked down at the kids. "Now let's give Aunt Nicole some space to go unpack, okay? Why don't you go work on your homework?"

As the kids started walking away, their heads in a pouting position, Joshua grabbed Nicole's duffle while he followed behind Noah and Nicole to their shared room. Her side was just the way Nicole left it before going to school. He dropped her duffle on her bed, and Nicole smiled as Joshua went back to his home office.

When they first moved in Bethany and Joshua had offered to combine Spencer and Hannah's room so the two of them could have their own space, but they insisted on being together. They've always been together, and especially after their parents' death, one couldn't be without the other at night.

"I'm gonna go shower and hang out in the living room. I'll see you." Nicole looked over at Noah as he grabbed his clothes, noticing that he took much more care in what he picked out.

"Getting all freshened up for your man?" She said, smirking. He stopped and turned around to look over at her. He was embarrassed but kept it cool.

"No, I just… haven't showered in a few days."

"Sure, sure." Noah turned back around and started walking to the bathroom. He thought about how he could disguise himself so Trent, Justin, Harold, and Cody couldn't recognize him, but then he thought, it wouldn't be too bad if they noticed him.

* * *

As the concert ended, Noah and Nicole were exhausted being surrounded by all these screaming girls. They both hated this type of atmosphere, but Nicole wanted to see them, so they both dealt with it with avoidance and earplugs. Noah had managed to go the whole concert without any eye contact with the Drama Brothers, so he hoped that meant Cody didn't see him. They had to admit, though, they put on a pretty great show. The band's tech crew was packing up and the crowd was dying down as a security guard came up to him.

"Are you Noah and Nicole?" They looked at each other, thinking of what they could have done for this security guard to approach them.

"Yeah." They said. The security guard looked over at them, then motioned for them to go up towards the stage and backstage. They shrugged and followed them, and then Noah realized what was going on - the Drama Brothers were inviting them backstage. _Shit,_ he thought. They recognized him. Noah took a step back, bringing Nicole with him as the security guard kept walking without missing a beat.

"What?" She asked.

"I don't want to go." Noah crossed his arms and pouted like a child.

"They obviously miss you and want to see you. They're your castmates, not strangers." Noah looked at her and uncrossed his arms, huffing as he rolled his eyes while thinking.

"Fine. Five minutes. I'm not going in any pictures." Noah thought about the comments he had just read about people wanting him and Cody to be together, and he figured it was probably best to not be in any photos or let anyone know he was at the concert. Nicole smiled as they walked through the beaded entryway, seeing the Drama Brothers all waiting for him. Noah hadn't seen any of them since World Tour, and he felt himself tense up seeing them again. As Nicole dragged them closer to him, they all looked at him and smiled, Cody especially.

"Dude! I wish you would have told me that you were coming to the concert!" Cody said to him as he hugged Noah. As Cody hugged Noah, Noah just stood there and let him suffocate him. Cody was wearing a button-down cream-colored shirt and blue skinny jeans, and he had a towel around his neck to pick up his sweat.

"Oh, yeah… it was a last-minute thing." Noah looked down on the ground, then pushed his sister in front of him. "This is my twin, Nicole." Noah was nervous. The only family member he had ever talked about on the show was his dog - also his little cousins, who weren't so little anymore. The boys all shook her hand, and she smiled.

"You have a _twin_? Where have you been hiding her?" Justin said, ruffling his hair and getting uncomfortably close to Nicole. Nicole backed up just before he could put his hand on her hip. Justin had a full beard and was wearing a white shirt with a purple scarf and blue jeans. He looked like a real douche with the scarf and beard, and the Drama Brothers knew it, too, but they tried to stay civil with him. Trent came in between them and put his hand on Justin's chest, backing him up. Trent was wearing a white turtleneck and blue jeans, and he had a small goatee.

"Easy, tiger." He said to him. Nicole decided to ignore that situation and change the subject, as did Noah.

"I've always been a fan. Noah surprised me with the tickets." Nicole backed away from Justin and smiled over at Trent.

"Trent, I've always wanted to tell you, it was devastating you didn't get to be on World Tour — I mean, you were-" As she began to say her statement, he said the same thing with her. "The only one out of all of them who's a real musician." She blushed, not believing that just happened. Trent took a moment before acknowledging her and threw his hands up in the air. Noah, however, was just surprised that Nicole was making an effort to talk to them and not sit in the corner.

"Thank you! That's what I thought, too! But, whatever. I wouldn't have wanted to be there, anyway. The whole Duncan and Gwen arc would have made me antsy." The two of them smiled in agreement, nodding and understanding.

"How have you been doing since then?" Nicole asked. Trent looked surprised, as not many people really cared about what he had to say.

"I've been good. Really good. Focusing on the music, haven't really talked to any of them since. Really, really good." Trent smiled at Nicole, both of them running out of things to say, not wanting to start with a full conversation this late at night. As they waited for the awkward pause to end, Justin looked over to Noah and smiled.

"Well, Noah man, it was good seeing you again." Justin said to him, putting his hand on his shoulder and pointing towards the exit with his other hand. "We've gotta finish packing up, but maybe we'll catch you again?" Noah nodded as Justin let go of him and held his hand out. Noah went for a handshake, but it turned out to be a high-five and fist bump. He made a mental note that nobody under thirty gave handshakes anymore in social situations.

"Totally fresh to meet you, Nicole." Harold said to her, who had been watching all this while leaning on the wall. Harold was wearing a gold chain around his neck and transition lenses that made his glasses look like orange-tinted sunglasses, and had on an orange jacket with a white shirt and black jeans.

"Yeah, it was nice meeting you, Nicole." Trent said as he waved.

"You too." All the guys left except for Cody, who was waiting to say something to them.

"They're leaving without you." Noah pointed out, hoping it would get him to go away.

"They're fine without me. I'm not that much help, anyhow. I can barely lift my keyboard over my head." He said to them. He gave a small chuckle as he looked down before breaking the silence and looking back up at them. "So, did you like the show? I wish I knew sooner you were coming!" Noah wanted to say something but didn't know what, so he gave a signal to Nicole, hoping she would pick up on it and they'd leave, but instead she took over their conversation.

"Neither of us ever go to concerts, so it was a lot of fun. And I'm sure Noah loved seeing you guys again, right?" She nudged his shoulder, his heart racing. He jumped up.

"Yeah. It was fun seeing you. It's been awhile." He said nonchalantly. The three of them stood there, not knowing what to say. Cody decided to break their silence.

"Do you guys know what's open this late?" Cody asked. "I'm starving." Nicole looked over to Noah, who had nothing.

"There's this diner about a block away. Noah can show you. I'm exhausted and should probably go home." Noah looked red in the face as she nudged his arm and gestured towards him.

"I drove you here," Noah reminded her, his teeth clenched as he looked angry-like towards her, but Cody didn't notice. She looked over to her phone, then back at him.

"I can just order a Lyft home. I started using it at school." Nicole looked over at the two of them.

"Yeah, why don't you join me?" Cody asked. Noah looked over at Nicole, who had already ordered her ride, then back at Cody. He couldn't believe he was doing this. He'd given himself a mental note to talk to Nicole tomorrow.

"Sure. Why not." Nicole looked back over at Cody as a _ding_ popped up on her phone.

"Well, that was quick. That's my ride. It was really nice meeting you, Cody." She smiled as she gave him a friendly nod - she didn't like hugs unless it was someone she really knew. Or touching. Noah watched her as she walked into the car, then got a notification from her app that she had left, and it would text him when she got home. As he dug his phone into his pocket, he looked over at Cody.

"Well, lead the way!" Cody said, excited.

* * *

As their food came, Noah looked over to Cody, who was still wide awake. He thought, how in the world could he have _this_ much energy after a show - but then remembered from Cody's gaming streams that he was up until 4am on the regular, so this must be nothing. Or maybe he's just on drugs.

"So, what have you been up to since Total Drama? I never hear from you anymore." Cody asked.

"Just… working. Nothing much." Noah said. "How's Sierra?" At this point, he was just trying to make _some_ sort of conversation that wasn't about him. Cody looked at him, embarrassed and not expecting that question.

"Oh, uh… we broke up. I don't even know why I started liking her in the first place. Stockholm Syndrome, I guess." Noah realized that was probably the wrong definition of Stockholm Syndrome, but he wasn't going to press it. "And uh… I think I'm gay." Noah looked up, nearly spitting out his food. He couldn't believe what he had heard. Cody looked at him, hoping he didn't make a mistake when mentioning his sexuality. "What?"

"Oh, nothing. It's just surprising… cool, but surprising. You were always so into Gwen." Cody nodded in agreeance. Noah's heart was racing at a million miles a minute, he could hardly hear anything Cody was saying. Why did he feel this way?

"Yeah, that's what I said to myself, too. But, I don't know, I'm still trying to figure it out. Maybe I'm still into girls, but _definitely_ not Sierra. Maybe she _ruined_ the image of girls for me. I don't know. Like I said, I'm still figuring it out." Noah nodded in agreeance as he took another bite of his food.

"Does anyone else know that you're gay?" Cody swallowed the bite of his food and took a pause.

"I've told the Drama Brothers, but not really anyone else. I don't really want to make a big fuss about it." He said to him. Cody quickly changed the subject. "I'm sorry again about Noah, man. She seemed like a really nice girl." Noah looked down at his food, poking the last of his green beans with his fork. Lying was more like clockwork to him now, but for some reason, he felt a deeper pit in his stomach knowing he was lying to Cody.

"We still keep in contact, but she just got so busy. It was getting to be too much." Cody nodded as the waitress brought over their check. Noah was about to take his wallet out, but Cody threw his card down before he could.

"Nah man, it's on me. Thanks for coming out tonight. It was cool seeing a familiar face in the usual swarm of screaming fangirls." Noah blushed, but tried to hide it. The waitress came back and ran their card, then came back with the card as Cody signed. "Hey, would you mind bringing me back to my hotel? It's just a few blocks from here." Noah perked up as they walked out the booth, putting their coats on.

"Yeah, sure." The two walked out of the building and Noah took out his car keys and clicked the unlock button, and the two of them got into the car. Noah had a nice car, it was Joshua's old car. The twins would share it, though Nicole let Noah have it while she was in college. It was a 2013 white Toyota Corolla. He usually kept it nice and tidy, but some of Nicole's stuff was still in the back, like her guitar.

"Oh, dude. You play guitar?" Cody asked as he got into the car. Noah looked over at it as he started the ignition.

"Oh, that's Nicole's." Cody remembered that moment in Total Drama Island when he caught Noah humming off-camera. Cody was so excited to hear that there was another performer among them, but Noah yelled at him to keep his mouth shut. That night Noah cried in private about how he yelled at Cody - it was different when he did it to the other castmates since most of them deserved it, but Cody didn't deserve it. He never deserved anything terrible that happened to him.

Noah put his seatbelt on and relaxed as Cody started getting the address for him, and Noah started the car. After a few minutes, they were at the entrance of his hotel. Noah had always seen this hotel on the drive home from work. It was 10 stories high and had a fountain in front of it, but it was turned off during the winter.

"It really was just a few blocks from here. Nice place." Noah said. It was already decorated for Christmas, despite it being November. They also could have just been string lights, Noah didn't really know the difference.

"We never get to be in nice places like this, but our tour's been doing really well, so we splurged." Cody smiled over at Noah. "Well hey, thanks again for the ride! See you around."

"Thanks for dinner." Noah nodded as Cody opened the door, and he watched as he walked into the hotel. He looked down at the floor and picked up the program that was given to them at the beginning of the concert and took a hard look at Cody's portrait. Cody had really matured nicely. Meanwhile, Noah has looked the same since the start of Total Drama. After a few moments of this, he looked down at his phone, a text from Cody. He must have been really deep into that program, or his hotel room was close to the lobby.

 _Cody_

 _Made it in the room! Justin has already taken up the last bed, lol. Floor it is. Thanks again!_

He felt a tightness in his chest - was he having a panic attack? No, this was different than anxiety. This felt like - a crush.

 **A/N: (LATE NIGHT) DOUBLE FEATURE (PICTURE SHOW)!**


	6. Dinner

It's been a month since Nicole's fall break had ended, and after an excruciatingly difficult final exam week, she wrapped up the semester with mostly As and finally had a month off to be with her family.

Noah didn't drive to her this time, as she insisted that she would get a ride home from a college classmate that lived in their area. He wanted to be the first person to see her, so he left work an hour early.

Finally, after being a half-hour late, he watched the doorknob wobble as she unlocked the door and let herself in.

Noah calmed himself down as she came in and slouched on the couch, staring at his phone and acting like he hasn't been waiting for her at the door this whole time. When she walked in, he put his phone in his pocket.

"Nicole! Welcome home!" He said, coming up to her as she dropped her bags to the floor. "You came a little bit later than you said you would."

"Thanks! Sorry, I just wasn't expecting to see you home so we took our time, don't you work until 4?"

"Yeah, but it's Thursday, and on Thursdays, I go home at 1 so I can pick up the kids." Nicole looked around, noticing the house had been silent.

"Where are they?" Noah stopped in his tracks, realizing that she knew he was lying.

"Oh, shoot…." He said, laughing nervously and taking out his phone. "I forgot to get them! I'll just text Bethany to get them." Noah pretended to send a text, then threw his phone onto the carpet.

"You can say you skipped work to see me. I'm your sister, not some stranger to impress."

Noah sighed, relaxing a bit and changing the subject as she came and sat down on the couch next to him.

"It's nice to be here when it's empty. No screaming niece and nephew around to bother you."

"Yeah. So how were your finals?"

"They were fine. I got mostly As." Nicole seemed uninterested in chatting about her finals, and would rather discuss what else is on her mind.

"You know, the Drama Brothers just finished their tour," Nicole said, changing the subject.

Noah groaned, tipping his head back and looking back at her.

"Why should I care? And, how do you know that?" Nicole had a dead look in her eyes, clearly hiding something as she awkwardly tried to figure out a comeback.

"I follow them on social media. My point being, you know there's a certain Drama Brother who lives right near us." She smiled.

Noah groaned again. Nicole had been trying to get Noah to see Cody since that night at the concert, and that was easy for him to avoid doing so as she wasn't home, but now she was here and he couldn't make any excuses.

"I'd rather die." Nicole stared at him as she thought of something. She quickly grabbed his phone from the carpet, putting in his passcode as she looked through his contacts. Noah started to huff.

"What are you doing?" Nicole turned her shoulder away from Noah as she pressed call on someone's contact in his phone, then turned back around to him, putting the phone in his hand. He looks at the phone and notices she dialed Cody.

"What?" Noah looks down at his phone as he hears a faint 'hello?' after a few rings, and Nicole crosses her arms, waiting.

"Better answer him." Noah rolled his eyes as he put the phone to his ear, putting on a persona that he meant to make during this phone call.

"Hey, Cody, it's Noah. I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out?" Noah muted the phone as he tipped his head back and groaned, Nicole taking his phone and putting it off mute while bringing the phone back to his ear.

"Sure, that'd be fun! What time were you thinking?" Nicole mouthed the word 'five' as she held up the number 5 with her hands.

"How about… five?"

"Sure. Sounds great. See you then." Noah hung up the phone, slouching on the couch as he threw his phone back on the floor. "Why did you make me do that?"

"You'll thank me someday." She smirked.

"Now don't forget to send him our address, wouldn't want him to not know where to go." She laughed as she got up from the couch, grabbing her duffle from the floor and walked to her room.

* * *

Right on time at 5:00pm, there was a knock on the door. Bethany, Joshua and the kids were already home, so Bethany answered the door to see Cody there.

"Oh, hello. Cody, right? Come on in. Here, let me take your coat." She invited him in and Cody took off his coat, which Bethany took and hung up on their coat rack. "Noah, your friend is here."

Noah and Nicole walked out of their room, Noah looking visibly nervous to see him. Cody took his shoes off near the door and walked over to them, giving a hug to Noah, who did not hug back.

"Hey Nicole, glad to see that Trent brought you back ho-"

Nicole's eyes widened as she heard him mention Trent and made a cutting motion in front of her neck, but then she noticed that Noah was about to look at her and quickly stopped, making Cody confused.

"Trent brought you home? That's weird. Why?" Noah said. Nicole's face went red as she looked at Noah.

"We can talk about it later." She said, desperately wanting this conversation to end. "Anyway, I'm so glad I got to see you! Noah is too, right?" She nudged Noah's shoulder and he answered on cue.

"Wait, what do you mean _got to?_ "

"I better go, my friend is waiting outside." Nicole said, getting her purse from the door and putting on her winter coat, ignoring his question.

"Oh, really?" Noah said, his teeth gritted.

"Yep. See you guys!" Nicole quickly left out the door, leaving the two of them alone in the living room with Bethany.

"We have dinner in the kitchen, Cody, if you'd like to join us." She said.

"Sure, I'd love that! Thank you, Mrs… what's your last name?" Cody asked.

"Oh, call me Bethany." She started walking to the kitchen, and as the two headed that way, Cody took a look around.

"I really like your house."

Noah gave a short smile as Cody started looking at the family photos on the wall. He looked around to see most of the photos being of Bethany, Joshua, and the kids, and the occasional photos of Joshua and his twin Nathan, then a few of the entire family, parents included.

"Oh wow, are those your cousins?" Cody asked.

"No, those are all my siblings. My sister and I are the youngest, both twins, then there's Joshua, who I live with, and his twin and Nathan, then there's the quints, Gerald, Gavin, Blair, Valerie and Miles."

"Man, your parents must have been busy." Cody chuckled, Noah feeling uncomfortable and not wanting to talk about his parents or his family.

"Where are they right now, anyway?" Noah's heart shattered as he looked down at the floor, then back to Cody.

"Oh, um… they…" He gulped. "They died." Cody looked down and paused, then looked back at him.

"Oh. I feel kinda stupid now. I'm sorry to hear that. I had no idea."

"It's all right."

Noah tried to play it off like Cody wasn't the first person besides Owen to hear about this. Even then he didn't really mean to tell Owen, he just wouldn't stop bothering him one day on the island when he was trying to get to know Noah better. When Owen learned his parents had died, he vowed to always be there for him, much to Noah's dismay.

Just as things were about to get more awkward, Bethany popped her head out from the kitchen.

"I have dinner, Cody, if you'd like to eat with us." Noah looked at Cody, hoping he would say he ate already.

"That'd be great, I'm starving!" Noah rolled his eyes and walked into the kitchen to see Joshua, Bethany and the kids, then the two of them sat beside the kids. Joshua reached out his hand to Cody as Bethany began to put plates at everyone's placemats.

"Nice to finally meet you, Cody. I'm Noah's brother Joshua." Cody smiled as Joshua shook his hand. Joshua looked so happy that Noah brought a friend home.

"I'm Cody." Cody chuckled. "Well, you probably already know that." Joshua laughed back as Bethany sat down, and everyone started eating.

"So, Cody, how was tour life?" Bethany asked. Noah came in to interject.

"You don't have to talk to them, Cody." He said to him.

"Oh, it's fine." Cody said, looking at him then at Bethany. "It's been a lot of fun! We went all over Canada, and you know, Noah was one of the only ones from Total Drama to come see us. It was nice."

"Really?" Bethany asked.

"Yeah. I think the majority of our cast mates think our band is silly." Cody laughed nervously. "But anyway, it was nice to see him there."

"Yeah, maybe you two could get together more often now that you're home." Joshua said, taking a bite of his chicken.

"That would be great, Noah." Cody said, looking at him. The room was silent, only chewing noises were heard until Spencer looked up.

"Noah!" Noah shot up as he pondered what damage Spencer was about to do to him by opening his mouth. "Remember when you kissed Cody?"

Noah crossed his arms. "We didn't kiss!"

"Yes you did! I saw it!" Spencer said, laughing with his mouth full of peas. Noah's face turned red.

"Spencer, that's enough, don't talk with your mouth open." Bethany said as Spencer went back to eating. "I'm sorry."

"It's all right. It happened a long time ago. I don't blame anything anyone did on that crazy show." Cody said. Noah looked down at his food, almost done with it after scarfing it down to avoid being in this position.

"Well, I think Cody and I better get going."

"Oh, but I'm not done with my f-" Before Cody could finish his sentence, Noah grabbed his arm and began taking him out of the kitchen, and they were back in the living room.

"I'm sorry. They can be a handful." Noah apologized.

"Well, um… what do you want to do now?" Cody asked, trying to change the subject.

"We could hang out in my room."

"Sounds like a plan!" Noah and Cody walked down the hall and over to Noah and Nicole's room, and Noah closed the door behind him.

"Sorry about the mess." He wasn't expecting visitors, not that he ever does, so his side of the room was a little messy, while Nicole's side was nice and neat.

"That's all right. Hey, did you ever make that Twitter account?" Cody asked.

"Not yet, no."

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's do it! Give me your phone!"

The two of them sat down on the floor, leaned on the bed, then Noah unlocked his phone for Cody and gave it to him as he downloaded the Twitter app and handed him the phone once it downloaded.

"First you have to pick a username." Cody said as they pressed 'sign up'.

Noah didn't know what to do, so as Cody looked over his shoulder, he put 'Noah123'.

"Okay, that's a start. But what about something like this?" Cody took the phone from his hands and typed in 'totaldrama_noah'

"What?" Noah scrunched his face up. "That sounds lame."

"You have any better ideas?" Cody asked.

"No. Proceed." He huffed as he watched Cody type, then he handed him his phone.

"Anyway, next you put in a password." Noah was about to put in a password, but realized Cody was staring and looked over at him.

"Oh, uh... "

"Right! Sorry, sorry, I'll close my eyes." Cody put his hands over his eyes as Noah typed in the password and filled out the rest of the profile, then nudged to Cody.

"You can open your eyes now." He whispered. Noah didn't know why he was just whispering.

"Ah, right." He took his hands off of his face and down at the floor, where his right hand had accidentally touched Noah's hand on the floor, in which they both lifted their hands off the ground and into their laps, embarrassed.

"Sorry about that."

"It's okay." They paused for a moment, both looking around and re-adjusting, when Cody broke the silence.

"So anyway, now you can press that "import contacts" button and follow everyone in your contacts who has a Twitter."

He pressed it and saw a few names come up, like Owen, Cody, Nicole, Bethany and Joshua - also the only people he had on his contact list.

"See, there I am _._ " Cody pointed to his username. "And then you can click follow."

Noah pressed the follow button for everyone, then noticed that instead of the word _following_ next to her name, it said _pending_ next to Nicole's name.

"What does that mean?" Noah asked.

"Oh, she must have her profile locked." Cody said as they went onto the next screen, showing his timeline.

"Now here we are! Twitter! You can start by adding a profile picture and bio." Noah went into his camera roll, which was just photos that his niece and nephew have taken of themselves.

"Oh, those are the kids from the dinner table." Cody noticed.

"Spencer and Hannah, my niece and nephew. They're a handful, as you saw, but they're good kids." Noah smiled.

"It's cool that you've got such a big family. My parents were never really around for me. I mean, they forget my birthday every single year." Cody said.

"Yeah, I remember from World Tour." Noah said. Cody paused and looked down, trying not to open all his life story on Noah.

"Sorry, didn't mean for this to get so depressing."

"That's all right. Depressing is my middle name." Noah said, too shy to ask more. He scrolled through more of his photos until he found the photo he wanted - a photo of his dog.

"Wouldn't you rather post a photo of yourself?" Cody asked.

"No." Cody looked at him, then looked down at his phone again, not wanting to argue. Noah pressed "save" on the profile picture and started going to the bio, but blanked out on what to put.

"I'm not sure what to write."

"Well what are your interests?" Cody asked.

"I don't really have any interests." Noah lied. He couldn't bear to tell him about his passion- well, former passion- of art.

"Come on, there's gotta be _something_ interesting you can put down." Noah felt pressured to open up to Cody, but in a way where he wanted to voluntarily speak about himself, but didn't know why he felt that urge around him.

"I don't really do anything but work." Noah shrugged.

"I'll make something for you." Cody took the phone into his phone, and began thinking of a good bio. After a few moments of this, he had the perfect idea.

 _Noah from Total Drama Island, Action, World Tour, and Ridonculous Race. Twin, brother and uncle._

Noah took a look at it. He didn't like it. He didn't want the world to know who he really was.

"I don't know, I've never really talked about my life."

"Now's the perfect time to do it!" Cody exclaimed. "People are dying to hear from you, Noah!"

"Really? But… I'm not even that memorable." Noah sighed.

"People think you're relatable and funny as hell. They want to hear from you." Cody smiled as he posted the bio, showing Noah.

Noah took the phone in his hands and looked at his phone, staring at his newly made Twitter account. Cody took out his own phone and drafted a tweet to get the word out about Noah's account.

 _Codemister3000_

 _Hey guys! My pal totaldrama_noah made a Twitter! Great timing, am I right? Go give him a follow! #totaldrama_

Within a minute of pressing send, Noah and Cody watched as Noah's phone blew up with notifications, over 500 followers so far.

"Yeah, you might want to turn notifications off. Your phone's gonna be busy." Noah went into his settings quickly as more notifications came in, turning notifications off, and gave Noah his phone off. Noah refreshed the page and saw 1,500 followers during that period.

"See, I told you people would want to hear from you! Now you just have to remember to post consistently." Cody said to him.

To tell the truth, Noah was extremely overwhelmed, first with Nicole being super secretive, telling Cody details about his personal life, and now having fans on Twitter who actually want to hear from him. It brought him back to all those comments he saw online, but he couldn't get one comment out of his head: the one where people wanted Cody and Noah to be together. Does Cody know about those comments, too? He had to, why wouldn't he?

"Do you know about Noco?" Noah asked. He looked down, not believing he just said that.

"Oh…" Cody started getting nervous. "Yeah, I do. It's silly, isn't it?"

Noah chuckled. "Yeah. I mean, my lips just touched your ear like 3 years ago."

"Yeah, fans have really creative minds." Cody gave a slight chuckle.

Suddenly, a thought popped up in Noah's mind. He thought about kissing Cody, but he couldn't control it. He no longer had control of his body as he began to lean into his body, lightly pressing on Cody's shoulder as his lips met Cody's.

The two kissed, and suddenly Noah had full control back, but he didn't want to let go. It seemed as though Cody didn't want to let go either, but after a few seconds, the two came back up for air, and Noah realized exactly what he had done. The air around them was silent until Cody began to speak.

"Oh, um.." Noah began to interrupt.

"You should go." Cody looked hurt.

"Oh, okay. Yeah." He silently nodded as the two of them got up, not wanting to argue with him as they left the room. Noah trailed behind Cody and watched as he got his keys, and Bethany, reading a book in the living room while the kids were watching TV on the floor, looked up and saw him leave.

"Leaving so soon, Cody?" She asked. As Cody was about to speak, Noah looked up and spoke for him.

"Yeah, he's got an emergency at home."

"Oh no, I hope everything's all right. Thanks for coming over, Cody! Hope to see you again!" She said, picking her head up. Noah grabbed Cody's arm and they left out of the door before Cody could say anything else. Noah looked at Cody again, feeling sick.

"Bye, Cody." He waved at him as he stared at him, then Noah looked at him with anger. "Leave."

Cody looked sad, but respected his wishes and began walking to his car. Noah watched as he started the car and left, and then he went back into his room, his heart rate getting steadier as he nearly ran into his room, locking the door.

His breathing began to feel heavy as he opened his closet, getting his old paint supplies from the top shelf. He dusted off the easel from on top of the paint supplies, getting it on the bed as he grabbed the paints and a blank canvas. He took the chair from his desk, put it in the middle of the room and set up his canvas on his easel and began painting.

 **A/N: Thank you all so much for sticking around while I take a long time to finish this story! I really appreciate it if you're still here! I have split this chapter into two parts, so expect a part 2 later today!**

 **~Sami**


	7. Secrets

From a young age, Noah had always loved art. For years, it was all he did.

He'd wake up, paint a little bit, go to school, and when he was in middle school, he would paint in the art room with his favorite art teacher during lunch. Sometimes Nicole would join him and be his test subject.

In middle school he went through hundreds of canvases, painting whatever popped up in his life.

His favorite painting subjects were his parents. They loved posing for him. When they died, he tried throwing the photos away, but Nicole wouldn't let him. She brought some of them with her to school and gave the others to their siblings because she knew he would try throwing them away the second she left. He kept getting more painting supplies from relatives for Christmas in hopes that he would get back into art, but he didn't have the heart to tell them he refuses to paint again.

Noah looked at the painting on his easel that he did of Cody. He looked like an angel, but he had just been painting what he saw every single time he looked at him.

As he looked at the painting, he heard the door rattle from the other side, but it didn't open since he had locked it. He figured it must have been Nicole.

He quickly took a sheet and chucked it over the painting as he walked up to the door to let Nicole in. Her smile faded as she looked at Noah.

His eyes were puffy from crying, and he looked a mess.

"Noah? Are you okay?" Noah nodded as she walked in, putting her stuff on her bed and sitting down. She looked at the easel covered with a bedsheet.

"Where's Cody? What's this?"

Noah looked down, ready to tell her everything.

"Cody and I were making a Twitter, and I told him about mom and dad, and I mentioned this couple ship that people online made of us-"

"Noco." She nodded, listening.

"You know about Noco?" Noah asked, turning to her.

"Of course. I know everything about your fanbase. But what happened after that?" Noah paused. He didn't want to say, but eventually got the courage to.

"I kissed him?" He took his hand and ran it through his hair. Nicole looked at him smiling.

"What happened next?" She asked.

"I told him to leave." The smile disappeared from Nicole's face.

"Why would you do that?"

"I don't know. I didn't even willingly try to kiss him, it was just something that happened. I couldn't control it." He told her. "I don't know what to do. I can't see him after doing that."

"Did you like it?" Nicole said, trying to focus on the positive. A smile escaped from Noah.

"Kind of…"

"Noah, this is huge! You have to tell him how you feel."

"I can't. Not right now. I'm not ready yet." Nicole walked up to the sheet over the easel, and Noah tried to stop her, knowing what she was about to do.

"I want to see what you did!" She rolled her shoulder, getting him to get off her as she lifted it, revealing his painting.

"Noah, this is amazing. You haven't lost your touch one bit." Noah looked down, now embarrassed. Nicole went to sit on her bed across from him to take off her boots and looked at him.

"All right, we can deal with this later, but for now, I have something to tell you." Noah started getting nervous, thinking the worst.

"What? Is everything all right?" She looked nervous to tell him. What she was about to say, she had hidden from him for weeks.

"So, after the concert, Trent found my Facebook and added me. We talked a lot. Then when he had a stop about an hour from the tour, he came over to my college and we hung out. After that we Skype'd nearly every day and texted and called." Noah looked at her, intrigued. "And, well, we've kind of been…" She lowered her voice. "Boyfriend and girlfriend."

"God, Nicole, the concert was during your fall break." Noah said. "How long have you been official?"

"About a month." Noah was furious.

"Nicole!"

"I'm sorry! I just… it was too hard to tell you because you're the most important person in my life, and you've been shutting me out." Noah looked at her, confused as she kept talking.

"Four years ago, mom and dad died. We went to therapy. It helped me, and I blossomed into the person I am today. You stopped going to therapy with me, you had a mental breakdown, quit school, you were barely home because of Total Drama, and now what do you do, you stock books at the library and hide in your room?" Nicole said, crossing her arms.

"Oh, well, I'm sorry." He said. "Maybe if I wasn't on that show you wouldn't have this secret boyfriend to keep from me." Nicole put her hands on her forehead.

"It's not like that. I didn't keep it from you on purpose."

"Then what was it, huh?" He crossed his arms. "Are you keeping your distance because I'm a ticking time bomb? I'm unpredictable? Or maybe it's that I'm a burden to this entire family?"

"No, don't say that about yourself. I just... I wanted to make sure it was going to last before I told you, that's all." Nicole sat down on the bed next to him and looked down. "Maybe you should go back to therapy again. Without me. You need help."

Noah began to lay down on his bed and turned his head away as the tears dripped down his face.

"I can't keep wondering what you're doing if you go a day without calling me. When we were younger you were the one who'd help me. You'd defend me against bullies when I couldn't help myself, when I was crying myself to sleep alone in our bedroom at night, you'd tell mom and dad it was you so I wouldn't feel embarrassed, and now I feel like I'm the one who helps you. I love you, Noah. I can't lose you." She said, her voice shaking. Noah took a moment to process what she had been saying and got up from the bed to sit up and look at her. He felt like an idiot for yelling at her.

"Have you told Trent about mom and dad?" Nicole paused as Noah changed the subject, thinking about her answer.

"Yeah, I did." She said. "It took a little bit, but when I did, he was really cool about it."

"I just wish you would have told me about him. I wish we had been there for each other for all the big moments."

"Hey, it's all right, when you start going out with Cody, we can double date." Nicole winked at him, trying to ease the tension between them.

"You think Cody will want to go out with me after all this? I'll be lucky if he even looks my direction again." He said.

"You two have chemistry. You always have." She said.

"No, we haven't!" She laughed as she went over to her dresser, grabbing her pajamas and going into their shared bathroom.

Noah thought about what she had said. He wanted to move on from the hurt and learn to open himself up, if not for himself, for his sister. He never wants to make her feel like she can't come to him because he's dealing with his own stuff.

He opened up his Twitter and looked at his feed, noticing a tweet from Cody.

 _Codemister3000_

 _No Twitch stream tonight, guys. See you all tomorrow night!_

Noah felt bad. He knew he streams every night because Cody would text him to tune in, and now he was probably too sad to go on tonight. It was all Noah's fault.

As he went under the covers, he allowed the thoughts of ruining any sort of friendship with Cody to bring him to sleep.

* * *

 _1 week later…_

Noah walked into the therapy office with Nicole, taking his coat off and putting it on the coat rack along with his scarf and beanie. Nicole had come with him because she didn't trust him to show up. The two of them checked in at the desk, then sat down, the nurse at the table giving him a stack of papers to fill out.

"Why do I have to fill this out? I've been here."

"Yeah, when we were 15. You're an adult now."

Noah looked at the form and filled out all the important parts - name, date of birth, emergency contact, insurance information.

He looked at the next few questions.

 _Have you thought about taking your life?_

He lied and put no.

 _Do you have panic attacks? How often?_

Nicole looked over his shoulder, knowing he wanted to lie on his application. Nicole looking over him gave him immense guilt, so he put down 2-3 times a week.

 _Do you smoke, drink, or take drugs?_

No.

 _Do you have any allergies?_

"What do my allergies have to do with my mental health?" He whispered to Nicole.

"Just fill out the paper." She turned around as he wrote _peanuts_.

Just as he finished the last of the questionnaire, which took about ten minutes, the therapist came into the waiting room. She had black hair and was wearing a blue dress with a white cardigan and black heels. She had a very calming energy around her, everything that Noah remembered he hated about her when he first saw her.

"Noah?" He stood up as he heard his name.

"I'll be out here when you're done." He nodded as he walked up to her, shaking her hand.

"Hi Noah, it's good to see you again."

"Nice to see you." He said. The two of them walked into the first door on the right, and he looked around the office. The room was very clean with minimal posters on the wall. It was a fairly spacious room and had two plush chairs and a desk.

"Where should I go?" He asked as she sat at her desk.

"Do whatever feels comfortable. You can stand or sit." He decided to sit down on the plush chair across from her, and she went ahead and sat down at her desk, opening her laptop for notes.

"I remember you and your sister from when you first came in, but if you wouldn't mind I would like to refresh on why you're here today." Noah crossed his arms.

"My parents died about four years ago. We were biking and an earthquake happened, and they lost control and we fell. They died later on in the hospital." She began typing into the laptop.

"Were you close to them?"

"Very close."

"Did you have any adults to take you in after they died?"

"My older brother took my sister Nicole and I in. Joshua and his wife Bethany paid for us to go to therapy, and it helped her but it didn't help me."

"What makes you think it might not have helped you?" Noah took a deep breath in, not knowing where to start.

"I didn't really focus on getting better as my sister did. Her feeling better intimidated me, so I auditioned for a show, Total Drama Island. I wanted to escape my small hometown, and I made up a personality that would get me in, the mean, smart kid."

"How did that go for you?"

"Not great. I got eliminated really quickly because I was kind of a jerk. But then, there was a second season, Total Drama Action… I wasn't picked to go, but after that, I became an assistant to the host. Then I got fired. After that, we did another season, I didn't win, and then there was another season, and I didn't get picked either."

"What did you do during that time?"

"I uh… I applied for college. But I was torn between choosing the major I wanted or choosing the major I thought Noah from Total Drama wanted, so I had a mental breakdown around the time I got asked to do another season and did that instead."

"How did that one go?"

"I had to pretend to be in love with a girl on the show, then we agreed to continue to pretend to date and announce a 'break-up' after my elimination episode aired. Because I wasn't on social media to talk about it, all my fans resented me and blamed me for a relationship that was never real life in the first place. _Then,_ that girl got mad at me for not being there for her for our fake breakup, and now those same fans are wanting me to be with this boy Cody that I kissed on accident in my sleep when I was 16 on national television."

The therapist tried her best to follow along as she typed on her laptop. Noah took another deep breath.

"I went to his band's concert during Nicole's fall break, my sister is now dating one of my castmates who's in the band, and didn't tell me until last week. And last week, Cody came over because my sister forced me to have him over, and I lost control and kissed him then yelled at him for me kissing him and forced him to leave."

Dr. Avery looked at Noah, then back at her notes, trying to figure out where to start.

"So, you mentioned you were trying to fake a persona for views. What are your real interests?"

Noah thought about his answer carefully before responding, but it was hard as he was too choked up to open up.

"I like art. Last week, when I kissed Cody, I painted him. I hadn't painted since my parents died. But this morning I destroyed it, scared you would ask me to see the painting in a future session or something."

"Do you think your parents' death has an impact on your life today?"

"Yes. I only did Total Drama to get away from the grief."

"And what are you hoping to get out of this therapy session?"

"I just… I need help. My family is worried about me. I just want to feel okay again."

"When you did therapy with your sister, why do you think she was able to open up better than you?" Noah thought carefully about his answer. He didn't really know.

"She wasn't there when they died. I was. I saw it happen."

"Do you think your grieving process could be slowed down as well because of the TV show?"

"Yes. I've lost touch with who I am. I want to go back to who I used to be, before Total Drama, before my parents died."

"Do you think you'd want to pursue a relationship with Cody?"

"I haven't even talked to him since that night. I don't even know if he'd want to be my friend after how I treated him."

"Text him now."

"Really? I can do that? But we're in the middle of a session."

"Go ahead, it's fine." She smiled as he got his phone out of his pocket, then started drafting a text to Cody, talking out loud.

 _Noah_

 _Hey Cody… I'm really sorry for last week. Do you want to come over and talk?_

He pressed send, and Dr. Avery smiled.

"That's a great first step, Noah. Good job." Noah gave a slight smile as they kept their conversation going, talking about his fears of being in a relationship, and after a few minutes Cody answered back and he read it aloud for her.

 _Cody_

 _Sure. I'll be there at 7._

Noah smiled, but on the inside, he was dying. He didn't think he'd be willing to meet up with him, let alone talk to him ever again. He was nervous to see Cody again, but it was time to open up. It was time to be the version of Noah he truly can be, and not the Total Drama Noah.

 **A/N: Thank you so much to those of you who have been following along with this tory! We really appreciate it! I already had this chapter done, but I needed to post on my other story, Total Drama Arts, before posting on this. Please leave a review if you liked it, and thanks for reading!**

 **~Sami**


	8. The Talk

Noah sat in the living room, patiently waiting for Cody to come. He checked the time on the wall: 7:02. Nicole walked past him and sat down, startling him.

"You okay?" Noah looked back at her, then back at the door. He was very clearly nervous, and couldn't focus or keep his temper under control.

"No, I'm not okay. I would really appreciate it if people were punctual." He said, not looking at her.

Nicole laughed as she sat closer to him.

"Give him some slack. He's probably nervous, too; he came out to you, not knowing you were gay, then later on you kissed him out of no—" He shushed Nicole, speaking in a whisper.

"God, just say the word gay one more time, don't you?"

Nicole looked around the room, confused, then understanding what was going on, hushing her voice.

"You've never told anyone? But you've been out since middle school. You live in the same house as everyone, why haven't you said anything?" He began to get angry.

"It's complicated, okay? I only ever told you, mom, and dad."

"Why wouldn't you just-" The doorbell rang, interrupting the conversation, and Noah went to go get the door. He expected it to be Cody, but it was Trent.

Trent was wearing a red flannel unbuttoned under a white shirt with blue jeans and had his hair parted back.

"What are you doing here?" Noah asked. Trent started walking towards Nicole, giving her a hug as she got up from her seat, and kissing the top of her head.

"Nice to see you too, Noah." Nicole looked at Trent as they sat down. "Is he okay?"

"He's just expecting someone is all."

Nicole tried to be vague, as she was sure he didn't want Trent to go back and tell people Cody was at his house.

"So, where are you going?" Noah looked to them as they now stood in front of the door.

"We're going on a date." Nicole said.

"I am... still not used to this." Noah sighed. He didn't know what felt more awkward, Nicole having an interest in dating or Nicole dating someone he met and competed with on a reality TV show.

"Yep! And we better hurry so we can get there before the lanes fill up. It's $5 bowling night for college students." Trent said, looking at his watch. He looked over to Nicole. "You ready?"

"Yep. Bye, Noah!" Trent and Nicole waved goodbye, and left to go into Trent's car. As he watched them drive away and sat down on the couch, he began to feel nervous about what would happen with Cody, and as he let his mind wander, he heard a doorbell, knowing this time it definitely had to be Cody. He sprang right up to answer the door.

"Hey there. Nice seeing you again." Cody said cautiously. He went in leaning for a hug, but Noah gave a handshake, then let go quickly, wondering why he did that.

"Come on in." Noah opened the door back up, allowing Cody to enter the house first. Instead of looking around, Noah led him to his bedroom, closing the door.

"I can explain. I promise."

"I'm not mad, Noah." Noah stopped in his tracks. He expected Cody to be angry at him.

"You're not?"

"I actually really enjoyed the kiss. Well, until you kicked me out. That… kind of hurt me." The two of them sat on the edge of his bed, and Noah put his hands on his lap. He gave a long pause, tipping his head back down and sighing, then came back up.

"All I need is for you to sit and listen. I know I don't deserve that, but if afterwards you decide to never speak to me again, I'm okay with that, just as long as you hear my side." Noah took a deep breath as he began to prepare to preach his life story to him. His life story was something he had hidden from the world, so he was beginning to feel nervous on if the right words would come out of his mouth, or if he would even tell it in the right order.

"I haven't told anyone I'm gay except my sister and my parents. But, um, I guess they took that secret to the grave. So really, only my sister knows."

"Is it new?"

"I've known since I was 13. I never really acted upon it, but I just… knew I wasn't into girls. I had a feeling."

Noah looked down again, as he felt opening up to Cody was the hardest thing he's done since going to his parents' funeral.

"My parents died when I was 15. I was already depressed before it happened, and when it happened, it made me even more depressed as I was with them as the accident that led to their death happened. While feeling sorry for myself, I found the opportunity to audition for Total Drama in hopes to make some money for Nicole and I, so we wouldn't have to feel like a burden to our family members. I changed my entire personality and it just kind of manifested into who I am today; shutting out everyone, taking my frustration out on those not as smart as me, and insulting others. It was… especially hard to ever do that to you, and I could never understand why, until a few weeks ago, when I realized how much I liked you and cared about you. I think I always have deep down. When I was with you the night that happened, you gave me this energy that felt like maybe I could change and go back to the person I used to be."

Cody nodded, taking it all in and showing he was listening. He could see Noah tearing up, a side that he's never seen of him.

"I want to go back to that person, back to who I was before the accident, before I shut everyone out, before this stupid show ruined my life."

"I would love to get to know that person." Cody said.

Noah took another breath, nodding, his breathing becoming unstable as he spoke. The more unstable his breathing became, the more he pushed the tears away.

"I've always blamed my parents' death for how I've acted towards people, but it's been me all along. My sister responded to the therapy, and me, I just refused to let anyone help me. It's been four years now and I deserve to let myself be a better person." Cody smiled as he paused.

"I started doing art again, that night when I kicked you out, for the first time in four years."

"You do art?" As he saw Cody's face perk up, he began to feel a little more calm. He was surprised at how open he could be around him.

"I used to. I actually… painted you, if that's not weird?" Cody smiled.

"Can I see?" Noah sighed.

"Well, I ripped it. It's in my wastebasket. But I painted you some more if you want to see." Cody smiled.

"I wanna see the ripped one."

"What? Why?" Noah crinkled his nose as Cody took it out of the small garbage pail in his room and sat on the floor, starting to put the pieces together like a puzzle.

"Well, if I meant that much to you that you painted again, it's got to be worth it. Do you have any tape?"

Noah went up to his desk as Cody kept on putting the pieces back together, and once he found the tape he sat on the floor with him, watching him piece it together in awe.

"You know, I painted some much nicer ones." Cody shushed Noah as he continued to put it together, and after a few moments, he finished and clasped his hands together, proud of what he did.

"There." He took a good look at the painting and smiled. It was a photo of him, surrounded by a sunset of colors.

He got up and sat next to Noah on the bed, not saying anything but just smiling, which made Noah uncomfortable.

"Do you… like it?" He asked.

Cody put his hand on Noah's shoulder, leaning him in for a kiss. Noah kissed him back, and this time, he kissed him like he meant it. He smiled at Cody as the two of them pulled back, holding his hand.

"You're not gonna kick me out again, are you?" Cody asked seriously.

"No." Noah laughed at Cody. He was just relieved he wasn't upset at him. The two sat in silence, looking down at the floor, until Cody spoke up.

"So, what does this mean for us?" He asked. Noah looked up.

"Well, I was wondering if you'd be my boyfriend. You know… if that'd be cool." He looked at him wide-eyed, and got nervous when Cody didn't answer right away. "Unless you want to just go on a few dates first and see what would happen, I don't want to ru—" Cody took his hand and chuckled softly, watching him stop.

"I've never seen this side of you before."

"What side?"

"Being nervous." He said. "On Total Drama you just always seemed so confident in everything you said or did." Noah frowned.

"Yeah… sometimes I think of those days and I don't even recognize myself. But then again, I haven't recognized myself in a long time."

Cody shook his head and kissed his hand, releasing.

"Yes. I will be your boyfriend."

 **A/N: Thank you all for sticking around while I work on the chapters! Thank you so much for reading, please leave a review if you liked it!**

 **~Sami**


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